Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
