We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
