i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
