I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
