I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
