I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
pray to the hookup gods
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
