Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
