Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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