Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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