WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
