i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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