I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
