I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
