Umm I'm too high to move.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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