I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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