haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
