there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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