let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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