i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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