you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
