how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
