the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
