I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
