My friends, they love my intelligence
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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