I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
