someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
