I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
