Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Never underestimate the power of titties
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