i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize