see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
