We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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