it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sext me about skeletons
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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