She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you will always have a special place in my vag
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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