dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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