Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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