he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
