Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
