I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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