I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
