Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
