I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
