I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
