Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
