Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
