ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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