Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
