fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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