if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
