you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
