best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
