we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
