I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
