The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My feet surprised me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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