I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
