im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
