loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
