Who wears a wallet chain?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
