Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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